I miss crushing on you. Yes. Just plain, simple crushing. The pinning of my emotions towards you.
I miss you, for adding that tinge of sparkle during my JC days. The days I would anticipate to just have a shy glance at you - the underdog. But surrounded with one of too many female company sometimes. (it does make me jealous - of all girls, i could not get a chance be close to you :/) Instead, you were pretty close with my clique.
No fate?
Seemingly, thus my hopes were dashed, and I forced myself for a period of time, to stop liking you.
But it won't go away. (This does not seem like a normal hi-and-bye eyecandy moment, I thought to myself)
The more I pushed the thoughts of you away, the more I could bump into you, sometimes a solemn hi.
Once, just once, you walked straight towards me... I was prepared to say hi to you.
Perhaps you walked too fast to notice me. Perhaps, I was too "unattractive" to catch your attention in the first place.
That, really made me feel like the most bitter of souls, at that point.
Did I mention how you weren't one of those popular, outspoken guys?
On the contrary, you were a shy guy.
But you had a certain charm.
A charm which most of my friends don't see, but I did.
The way you took effort in styling your hair, the way you walked, but most importantly, was your smile.
Your smile glistens. And it is really, really enchanting.
I was completely floored, and utterly memorised ever since.
It was really you all along,
Chong Han. you made me had hope to ask you out.
I remember studying a few tables away from you, you were opposite me.
I thought for a moment, you were stealing glances toward me. (I had the oddest feeling, or probably just hallucinating)
I was happy, nonetheless.
And then I mustered courage one fine study night, to go up to the 4th floor (intentionally).
You were mugging hard, but already exhausted..
You chose to come to sch, despite being just an hour. from 8-9pm.
But I was happy I sat close by, to listen to your voice.
Bliss.
I don't know if you have figured out that I was the one who had a thing for you.
If you did, I wouldn't dare make a guess of your reaction...
Ignorance is bliss.
But, I hope you know by now.. at the very least..... Do you?
:l
In the end, during Grad Day, at least, there was a photo of two of us, with help from my favored friends.
And, we could study in the library together...side by side.
Thaaaaaaat, was the ultimate high of my life.
I never felt internally happy. It was as though my wish from Heaven came true.
I could spend decent memories just with you, and nobody else.
You taught me Math.
You were smart and hardworking, which I admired as well.
With help from my favoured few again, I could sneak a note inside your pencilcase.
You texted me the very night to thank me.
That alone, is enough to wrap up my feelings for you.
Despite knowing some flaws about him, he's always considered my crushie to me.
I guess, I know there can't be anything more between us.
But you'll never read this.
Happy Valentine's Day - well spent by recollecting sweetest and fondest memories of you. Not expecting anything in return. Not that I still endearingly like you. But I have to admit, liking you added sweetness,(a few tears aftermath...), made me feel that college days were worthwhile.
Happy Valentine's Day
Feb 15, 2013