It's hard that I've gone through 12 years of education, taking mainly compulsory subs, and only actually having few chances to choose what you really want(Sec 3, JC Year 1), and now I've reached that standstill in life where I have to finally finally decide for the path I want to walk on my own now.
Making decisions in life was never considered easy. It's hard that you have to put into consideration of your parents' wishes, your teachers' expectations, your friends' feedback and most importantly is the final decision made by ourselves.
It's a loadful, a mouthful...and even a handful to be in a rushed hour to complete applications, at the same time maintaining a full-time job..And then let's not forget about the driving lessons and Final Theory Test that's coming up. Pretty hectic eh? *pats own shoulder in agreement
I really have to thank a few of the Angels who have come across my path to give me solid, realistic and positive advice on how I should walk on this new path...
Firstly.. Patrick, a regular in our beer garden, who have gave me a long but fruitful talk that I should put my A Levels as a past... Don't look at it as a failure.. Don't look at myself as a failure... And see myself as someone who has peaked too early; Someone who didn't gave A Level standardized answers but instead, something better: University standard answers!
He said I was out of this system which everyone is so into(stellar grades), and he considers that to be a success. He congratulated me as he would see me being ( even more)successful in my next path..
He was definitely not being all skeptical, or plain saying it to give me a sense of comsolation.
He had conviction in it, and I believed in him as I did in myself after hearing him.
Thank you Patrick. For believing in me, and seeing something else that I myself was blinded by. You made me believe in myself once again, and if given the opportunity, I will do well and definitely not forget you who gave me the motivation in the first place.
*pats shoulders for good effort in A Levels* Well Done to myself. :)
Secondly was a Professor in Teaching, whom I come across in NTU Open House today. She wasn't too staunched in making me choose teaching - something I would consider secondarily...But having spoken to her, she said teaching was not going to be any easier than other professions, but she encouraged me to apply it as a first choice to show that I really want it..
(which at that point when I was talking to her, I was still a half-half in going to put first for that)
But after much mulling( and there's gonna be more mulling tonight when I sleep *wails), it's something that I definitely need, it's something that SG definitely needs.. And hey, it's a fulfilling career, which is what I want right?
Is It something, though, that I really really want?...
Well.... instead of the 50% before... i am more of an 80-90% now.
Instead of pursuing History in Uni(which is of course great!), I could also do History thru teaching, couldn't I? It's still History... plus that extra bliss of knowing you may have opened another realm of interest for your future students..
That makes me very happy internally when I think of that..
Passion.
Thirdly, are my Parents. I must have done many good deeds in my past life to have gotten top-notch, world class parents... To be so ever supportive in whatever I do. I want to give them the best life they could ever imagine soon. When they finally retire, that's when their life actually begins again... I wish to fund for their travelling expenses...And to provide them money weekly, monthly...
But you know what they always say - you can never clear your "debt" for your parents.. - You are forever indebted to your parents and no amount of money can pay them back for the life-years of unceasing and incessant love, worry and effort.
And last but not least, Buddha. Thank You for lighting this path ahead of me. I know I am still in a tunnel, waiting to find a way out. But I will find the light you have lit for me. May I finally found my passion, and transcend that passion to everyone and everywhere else.
I want to leave that kind of legacy. And I know that starts today.
Mar 10, 2013