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Paulynn
November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 April 2010 May 2010 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 February 2013 March 2013 Twitter and Facebook SMS Updates
Mar 10, 2013

It's hard that I've gone through 12 years of education, taking mainly compulsory subs, and only actually having few chances to choose what you really want(Sec 3, JC Year 1), and now I've reached that standstill in life where I have to finally finally decide for the path I want to walk on my own now.

Making decisions in life was never considered easy. It's hard that you have to put into consideration of your parents' wishes, your teachers' expectations, your friends' feedback and most importantly is the final decision made by ourselves.
It's a loadful, a mouthful...and even a handful to be in a rushed hour to complete applications, at the same time maintaining a full-time job..And then let's not forget about the driving lessons and Final Theory Test that's coming up. Pretty hectic eh? *pats own shoulder in agreement

I really have to thank a few of the Angels who have come across my path to give me solid, realistic and positive advice on how I should walk on this new path...

Firstly.. Patrick, a regular in our beer garden, who have gave me a long but fruitful talk that I should put my A Levels as a past... Don't look at it as a failure.. Don't look at myself as a failure... And see myself as someone who has peaked too early; Someone who didn't gave A Level standardized answers but instead, something better: University standard answers!
He said I was out of this system which everyone is so into(stellar grades), and he considers that to be a success. He congratulated me as he would see me being ( even more)successful in my next path..
He was definitely not being all skeptical, or plain saying it to give me a sense of comsolation.
He had conviction in it, and I believed in him as I did in myself after hearing him.
Thank you Patrick. For believing in me, and seeing something else that I myself was blinded by. You made me believe in myself once again, and if given the opportunity, I will do well and definitely not forget you who gave me the motivation in the first place.

*pats shoulders for good effort in A Levels* Well Done to myself. :)

Secondly was a Professor in Teaching, whom I come across in NTU Open House today. She wasn't too staunched in making me choose teaching - something I would consider secondarily...But having spoken to her, she said teaching was not going to be any easier than other professions, but she encouraged me to apply it as a first choice to show that I really want it..
(which at that point when I was talking to her, I was still a half-half in going to put first for that)
But after much mulling( and there's gonna be more mulling tonight when I sleep *wails), it's something that I definitely need, it's something that SG definitely needs.. And hey, it's a fulfilling career, which is what I want right?
Is It something, though, that I really really want?...
Well.... instead of the 50% before... i am more of an 80-90% now.
Instead of pursuing History in Uni(which is of course great!), I could also do History thru teaching, couldn't I? It's still History... plus that extra bliss of knowing you may have opened another realm of interest for your future students..
That makes me very happy internally when I think of that..
Passion.

Thirdly, are my Parents. I must have done many good deeds in my past life to have gotten top-notch, world class parents... To be so ever supportive in whatever I do. I want to give them the best life they could ever imagine soon. When they finally retire, that's when their life actually begins again... I wish to fund for their travelling expenses...And to provide them money weekly, monthly...
But you know what they always say - you can never clear your "debt" for your parents.. - You are forever indebted to your parents and no amount of money can pay them back for the life-years of unceasing and incessant love, worry and effort.

And last but not least, Buddha. Thank You for lighting this path ahead of me. I know I am still in a tunnel, waiting to find a way out. But I will find the light you have lit for me. May I finally found my passion, and transcend that passion to everyone and everywhere else.

I want to leave that kind of legacy. And I know that starts today.



Happy Valentine's Day
Feb 15, 2013

I miss crushing on you. Yes. Just plain, simple crushing. The pinning of my emotions towards you.
I miss you, for adding that tinge of sparkle during my JC days. The days I would anticipate to just have a shy glance at you - the underdog. But surrounded with one of too many female company sometimes. (it does make me jealous - of all girls, i could not get a chance be close to you :/) Instead, you were pretty close with my clique.
No fate?
Seemingly, thus my hopes were dashed, and I forced myself for a period of time, to stop liking you.
But it won't go away. (This does not seem like a normal hi-and-bye eyecandy moment, I thought to myself)
The more I pushed the thoughts of you away, the more I could bump into you, sometimes a solemn hi.
Once, just once, you walked straight towards me... I was prepared to say hi to you.
Perhaps you walked too fast to notice me. Perhaps, I was too "unattractive" to catch your attention in the first place.


That, really made me feel like the most bitter of souls, at that point.

Did I mention how you weren't one of those popular, outspoken guys?
On the contrary, you were a shy guy.
But you had a certain charm.
A charm which most of my friends don't see, but I did.
The way you took effort in styling your hair, the way you walked, but most importantly, was your smile.
Your smile glistens. And it is really, really enchanting.
I was completely floored, and utterly memorised ever since.

It was really you all along, Chong Han. you made me had hope to ask you out.
I remember studying a few tables away from you, you were opposite me.
I thought for a moment, you were stealing glances toward me. (I had the oddest feeling, or probably just hallucinating)
I was happy, nonetheless.
And then I mustered courage one fine study night, to go up to the 4th floor (intentionally).
You were mugging hard, but already exhausted..
You chose to come to sch, despite being just an hour. from 8-9pm.
But I was happy I sat close by, to listen to your voice.
Bliss.

I don't know if you have figured out that I was the one who had a thing for you.
If you did, I wouldn't dare make a guess of your reaction...
Ignorance is bliss.


But, I hope you know by now.. at the very least..... Do you?
:l

In the end, during Grad Day, at least, there was a photo of two of us, with help from my favored friends.
And, we could study in the library together...side by side.
Thaaaaaaat, was the ultimate high of my life.
I never felt internally happy. It was as though my wish from Heaven came true.
I could spend decent memories just with you, and nobody else.
You taught me Math.
You were smart and hardworking, which I admired as well.

With help from my favoured few again, I could sneak a note inside your pencilcase.
You texted me the very night to thank me.
That alone, is enough to wrap up my feelings for you.

Despite knowing some flaws about him, he's always considered my crushie to me.
I guess, I know there can't be anything more between us.

But you'll never read this.

Happy Valentine's Day - well spent by recollecting sweetest and fondest memories of you. Not expecting anything in return. Not that I still endearingly like you. But I have to admit, liking you added sweetness,(a few tears aftermath...), made me feel that college days were worthwhile.


just one day
Jul 4, 2011

Just one day. One day, I will move out and away from this tiny place we call home. I want to migrate...I just want a less stressful life. My parents' age add up to a 100, they need a less stressed life to head on their golden years. I wish them to retire in the pink of health....As for me, if I continue on with this, I'm just going to start plucking my hair out before I hit 21..

What am I working hard for? What am I heading towards? All amounts to insignificant figures..

I want a new life.

i can't get it back but i don't want it back
Jun 25, 2011

you will be my memory and my rememberance. i only know the moments we can share in the future will only be imagery formed in my head. not so of wishful thinking, but more of moving on from you. if the feeling's not right any longer, it won't be right anymore. i'm done! so go on and break free from the shackles of what we once shared, a tight bond between us two that could be sworn to secrecy because nobody under the sky knew, except us.

i hope we don't keep in touch, because i'm moving on and away from you. so long! may we never meet again!

sucking it up
Jun 17, 2011

today i learnt that people change. maybe, it's not them that is to ''blame'', but our unwillingness to accept and conform the new ''them''. when things like these happen, who do you blame? Them or yourself? and when people change, do they actually change for the better or for the worst? don't anybody actually think of all these? I have to take extra caution because i know one wrong move and everything will be wholly different. i know this post sounds abit depressing, but this is just my two cents worth from this recent June hols. I only can ascertain something from this rich experience, and that is: I believe I have caused one great of a contribution, or probably one heck of a mess, and it's time for me to move on.

revelation
Jun 12, 2011

I have definitely rekindled my long lost love in blogging again! So relieving to pour out my sorrows..k lah, now holidays, i should be saying more pleasing things, my happiness then, without having to care who will read or whatever.

In the past I don't even know why I was so self-conscious of what people say about me or think of me lor. Now I still am, of course we all have to be self-conscious..But to the extent of changing your own self to please others? That would be so wrong. And thank god hormones have kicked in the right time to bid goodbye to such immature things.

And since I'm talking about the past, last time I think I really was a loser. Like seriously, in soooo many ways. I don't even know how I got through the rough tides with choppy waves in my life. All I can say is, time was my greatest healer. Time really does heal all wounds, for me.

Spare me all the drama in my life. I don't wish to be bothered.
Now half of my holidays left! Shoot...
Just. Need. To. Sleep. More. :)

I just want to go engage myself in more sports too. Badminton, swimming, cycling...and not only running.

The news today of a guy in army who died while doing 2.4km still gives me much shivers on doing MINE when school reopens. Many times I run always cock up lor, not breathless, then legs will cramp. June Holiday Resolution? To improve my stamina and physical self.

RIP to that guy too..

I'll be keeping this more updated, that is, for the holidays..Not sure if I can manage to blog when school reopens...Can I?

Till here.




waiting
Jun 11, 2011

you know what i hate most? waiting for an email to come back to you, but it never does.
it will probably get back to you a week later. but what can you do? you're only pathetically waiting for the other end.
this is probably the most irritating thing ever during PW.
i really abhor PW! But it's just a few more months! I'll bite the bullet with my members!!

and now i'm online to do history. gahhhh.

before i go,
for heaven's sake!
stop comparing jc and poly students together!
in the first place what is there to compare? the rigour? the amount of rest time? subjects?
there's nothing to compare! we all chose our different routes.
and now that i'm here in IJ, nothing will ever change the reason why i made this decision.





going mobile...and insane
Jun 6, 2011

Woah I am SUCHHHHH a suaku! blogging from my phone for the first freaking time and this is definitely awesome...ok. enough hyping. :)I'M EXCITED FOR MY IPOD NANO WHICH I WILL BE COLLECTING TODAY I HOPE! YES I'M BEING RANDOM! HEHE! MY FIRST APPLE PRODUCT! How not to be?!?! well...before i stop, I finally FINISHED VAMPIRE DIARIES SEASON 1 (last year) AND SEASON 2(just now)! definitely a tear-jerker...i'm still not out of it actually! still thinking of stefan, elena and of course damon :\ Well its nice to be blogging again. I HOPE TO BE AS ACTIVE AS I CAN!  ;-)

shocking encounter
Jun 3, 2011

Have you ever faced a hypocrite?
That would say one thing and do the other, without a blink of an eye?
Gives me the shivers just thinking about it.

I daren't make things so obvious at first. But I feel, I'm 16 going 17 man. I do have my right to vent out my unhappiness right? Bottling up will only make me feel worse.

I lost my utter trust in you. How can you say that of me? And my friends? And most importantly, we are all under your care...Yet, I know I have to face you every single school day.
Oh...So doomed..

Sometimes I don't know whether you're sincere or not.. I used to like you alot because I feel you were different. You understood us too well, probably cause you have very little generation gap with us. But now, I'm standing more on the neutrality side.....will I go to the negative side? I hope so not.

How? How to survive these 2 friggin years? Oh the horror. :/

holidays
May 31, 2011

SUMMER TEST IS OVER AND HOLIDAYS ARE OFFICIALLY HERE!

I'm officially loving the holidays!

I'm very grateful that I have a bunch of whacky friends(as do I) to talk and laugh with in school. JC really turned out unexpectedly than what I had in my head. Well, what can I say? If I don't take this break and make it useful, the next break will be like November? Omg. Hai...TT

I can't wait to go WWW, and all the shopping malls in the West, go makan, watch movies, go friends' houses. Ah! Fun fun fun fun fun :)

Anyway! Hehehehe! So excited to be back on blogger again! Will refurnish this place again! I can feel the dust here man!

Goodbye!

Back
May 22, 2011

I'm back to blogger and I believe it has been XXXXX years!
Welllllll hiya again rawbutfresh. ;)
Thinking back, this ridiculous titie makes the hairs on my back stand!!! Why oh why did I think of such a comical title, tsk.

Cutting this post short as I have my Summer Test tomorrow! It will be a week.
(Never did I think will I be sitting for exams in a hall again)

I will inject my best effort.

To deliberately leave this post hanging, I always tend to ask myself this question..
Am I living a life that I want, or living a life that I need?




iwontevenstart
May 9, 2010

What happened
After last summer
When we broke up
In September

I haven't seen you
Feels like a long time
Sometimes it still hurts
But I always get by

I still got a piece of you under my skin
It's always there no matter where I've been

So if I ever see you on the street
I'll pretend that I didn't see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyway

Because if I look into your eyes
Then I'll have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

I wish you luck
And I wish it true
That's the best
I can do for you

Cuz you'll probably find love
In someone new
I have to let go
Yeah it's hard to do

So if I run into you with your arm by his side
Just know it'll cut me like a knife

So if I ever see you on the street
I'll pretend that I didn't see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyway

Because if I look into your eyes
Then I'll have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start



Post-it® “How You Use It" Contest.
Apr 11, 2010

Post-it is having a contest!
It's the Post-it® “How You Use It” contest.
Do you often use post-it to note important things?
I know I do!
Whenever I need to jot something down, I will always use a Post-it®!
I never ever forget my notes, thanks to Post-it®.
What an awesome invention especially to those who have short-term memory loss, I'm one of them! :P
You can stick them around wherever you like, and they're small, handy and come in loads of different colours!


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Its this simple!
Also, if you are a fellow nuffnang blogger, just mention about this contest in your blog and you will be able to get a Post-It hamper(worth $20)!
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Go join it or mention it!

bad day.
Jan 23, 2010

For those who witnessed..you know. You saw. you probably heard.. Bah. These type of things how to control, you tell me?????

i'm fine now. (well thats what they all say)

i dont blame him. (lie)

i don't care. (worse lie ever in the 21st century)

jokes aside.(miracle i can still crack jokes in my current position lor),

im just feeling very mixed. as if the current situation is not complex enough, today sucked.

THRICE leh. my eyes fucking pain??? and i rub them, stupidly thinking it will help any of the pain. what a ratard i am, it got more itchy. _'_




Guess we all used to say, "It's only January! Slack lah, power, woo" all that shit you know??

But it seems so wrong this year! Well not that kinda wrong. But the most of the lot probably got all their energy sucked already..i am of no difference.

It's 23rd January and we're stressing ourselves like we are all deprived of water and there is only that one pathetic lake there and we just walked 50metres and we are dying of thirst already. So they really meant it when you're sec 4, "don't play play."



reality check,
Jan 21, 2010

When I was in primary school, I had a Math teacher. And I remember quite clearly he was talking about Amaths . He said it was a higher level type of Math. At that moment, primary 5, I thought I was never, over my dead body, going to take up Amath in secondary school, since my Math in primary school can already kiss my ass.

Who would know I'll be taking Amaths now?..

That;s why I refuse to drop Amath. People keep tellng me, and some even blatantly scolding me stupid(_"_) for not taking up a Pure sub and dropping Amath, (i am a sensitive bitch so you are sooooo dead man).

One question to you ratards, my combination affects you???! Holy cowz! :O


So, yeah. End of my rant. I wish everyone, to the best of your ability to do well.
Y'know what, DO JUNYUAN PROUD, JUNYUAN CHAMPSSSSSSSSSSS!


pffftttttttttthetic.
Jan 12, 2010

Sometime later, I have to send you away.. but I don't have the confidence to do that
You found the place that I was alone at.. Now you're gonna go back
I knew it was going to happen, but why does my heart hurt
Now you're gonna go back to your place because you found the love you wanted
I have to send you, a happy person, away with a smile..


Stress. Building. Up.

buy you a drank,
Jan 3, 2010

it's 5.14am now. i really need to squeeze out at least complete homework out of me. damn it lazy me, i have to give family day a miss tomorrow. damnittohell.

what i did today w family was.. a simple but laughter-filled outing @ city square. ate @ Saizeriya(my 3rd favourite restaurant,1st being Spaghetti house, 2nd being Don) played bball @ timezone(if you read my twitter or facebook statuses you should know it) and i sweated like mad. afterwards we headed in picket and rail. i love how everything is so cottagey and vintage-y. and mum sorta asked if the designer there could come design my house. this is still in planning stage of course.but we're so used to ikea and stuff so i don't know how all this will work out. :-(
and i cannot be so greedy to squander madly. "can save, better save. save save save." lol-_- so it's either revamping or travelling. which would you pick if you were me?? :-( anyway thank goodness CNY is still far (from now) and i guess i'll have plenty of time to think about that later, hmmph.

on a side note, i am looking forward to school seeing back my friends & teachers. i believe i am not the only one that feels this way haha. i really am starting to miss tongtong and clique and all the other mates in class. i believe i will lmao when i see boys' hair especially chong's. LOL. but he'll probably laugh back at mine. so i better shut the fk up. -_- and i believe i will definitely smile like an idiot when i see aks. damnit i hope he doesn't catch me for like....anything!!! omg if he even catches me for smiling now that's really fked!!!! -_-!!

i am so happy. that i can finally have THAT chance to do a duet with dotdotdot. i simply can't wait for that and i hope my instructor will not cheat me. i never thought i'll have that chance!!!
sobsob!!

i have said it before(i think) and i will say it again. time really flies. i remember anticipating for this(december holidays) and now, it's already the third day of 2010, good lord. and monday will be the day every student will be awaiting for- school! waking up at 6. feeling that morning rush and "i can NOT miss that bus/mrt" and "hair must be neat", "skirt must be nicely folded(oops)" thought.

fellow mates,let's all work hard and see you all back in school on the 4th!
love & thank you for being my friend(how cliche hahahahaha)

and OMG i just heard the newspaper man gentlydumping my newspaper outside my house!!!!! you know what this means??? SLEEEP!!!!!

Dec 31, 2009

got this from jemimah. i dont know if she'll be seeing this but. oh, this is too true. -_-

bffroflwaffle(:

i just HAVE to finish my ace today. tomorrow's the 31st for christ sake. hell no i'm going to do any thing work related. 2010 is coming and it's pretty surreal man. can you still recall those fond moments in the early part of 2009? i still can, miraculously. bah, new year, back to school life, let's do it!! Pun intended. Oops. D:

digressing abit i bought a new pair of shoes from far east today. it's made of leathar,(put your tongue to the top of yer teeth and emphasise more on the thar) .yeah i luv to pronounce it this way, and it's so friggin' comfortable. it's like you're wearing nuthing i swear. i'll definitely wear it for my next holiday. why am i so happy? because i always buy the wrong kind of shoes. most times it's the size. everyone in my family has been going on and on about this. -_- it gets too tight and i end up with blisters and shit, which really totally spoils my overall appearance. so i am pinning all my hopes that this time, this pair is the one for me.


my new year resolution would be to stop swearing. like if i'm really angry, i swear, i guess that's fine...hah. but now i swear over the stupidest things. getting way out of hand. last time, i wouldn't even dare say the F word and now it's like becoming one of my daily words. damn straight. and also, i hope that i'll focus more. and stop getting distracted and stuff. i get distracted TOO easily. blame overly addictive Twitter and Facebook games. i guess this takes a LOT of self control. the rest, as shown below.

3.head to the gym whenever i can. i do not have to spill out the reason YES?
4.stop hanging out outside and thinking that i have all the time in the world when i don't.
5.minimize talking in class. consequences are dire. (angksangksangks)
6.minimize taking out handphone to sms/prank call ppl during lessontime. lmao.
7.i will still continue to throw paper balls at people when the teacher's not looking. goodie. :)
8.read more books!!
9.revise everyday. (yeah right)
10.sleep by 12..then..11...then..10pm.(uh huh you sure?)
11. minimize shopping. :-(
12. save up money and stop splurging. i dont grow money trees.
13. love rob.
14. love rob.
15. love rob.
16. love rob.
17. love rob.
18. love rob.
19. love rob.
20. do well for O's. (:

well to end this off. sometimes life gets you down but well we all have to understand that time waits for no man and we just gotta move on someday. the past is the past and well no point getting stuck there. i know what you're thinking. CLICHE. haha. ok. i thought 2009 passed pretty well, albeit there were problems occurring here and there, i've decided to just move on and just be positive with them. i hope 2010 would be a great year for all of us.

till here. smile. :-)


xmas!
Dec 25, 2009

I wish everyone a merry christmas to whoever you are. :-)


Time really flies fast...and wow we're just a week away from going back to school again. Back to the same old routine. I find it sorta surreal. Even though we go through this every year, somehow, I feel something different this year. Probably because you wisen up as you go through different obstacles and stuff in life, that's how you grow up and start thinking mature. I think we should all count our blessings that we all can live a life, a life with your family, your closed ones and all. Not only Christmas we should spend time together with our loved ones, but every single day. Like I said, time flies fast so we'd better cherish every single thing, every single soul. Cliche as it sounds, we only live once. And I just wanted to bring up this important point of this mighty word called Cherishing.

Okay. Rambling again. Just had that sorta feeling, ya know? (maybe not.)
I'd better get back to my work..
By work I mean...for the almighty school. oh yeah! -_-

Meantime, see you whoever you ares... ;)

goodbye!
Dec 19, 2009

Hello people. I'll be away for my long-awaited and long anticipated trip.
It's not very far. But still, it's a getaway. Like, literally, getting me away from everything that I'm occupied with.

Of course I'll miss the you-know-whos.

And I'll be like Santa's messenger and bring presents back. That is if I don't over-shop.

I thought of what to buy for my mum and dad, and my sis. Just wanna share.
For my mum, I'll get her a weighing scale. Not that kind of scale that measures your kgs and pounds, okay.
It's that baking one. Okay? -_-

For my dad, I'll be getting him.....maybe a new wallet. Coin pouch maybe. Something he can use daily and practical.
He's a practical guy. You know how fathers are. Ok,maybe not all fathers are like this.

As for my sister, she reads my blog so I cannot publish this.
But she's so in love with this now, I just have to get her this to "satisfy" her.
Ok. That sounded wrong. LOL.

Okay. I'll have to wake up at 5 again.
And I'll be leaving by first class...........coach..LOL.

Shut up I know what you're thinking!!

Just joking. Of course it may sound silly.
Who doesn't want to fly over. It'll probably take me like half an hour. Or less. Or an hour.

BUT THE FLIGHTS ARE FULL SO I CAN'T REALLY DEAL WITH THAT, CAN I. -_-??

And to fly there and pay more(compared to coach, of course) is a bit of a "unneccessary" thing right.

I mean, if you can save it, save it.


Probably I won't even be sleeping. I'll be Wifi-ing away. So toodles people. And see me back on Wednesday.

Thanks for all the tags and readers.
XOXO
:-))

forever means never.
Dec 15, 2009

Woke up at 8 or so this morning. Bathed and all, played Cafe World, then I found out it was already 8.40. Had to be in school by 9. Was just a tad late. Had a meeting at the meeting room with Old Man till a late 10 o' clock++. That funny self proclaimed "hunk" -__-.

I have to do so many things but it's good that I have things to keep myself busy with. You don't think so much that way right!

I've been sleeping alot lately. Then today I realised I was sick. Sore throat. Not good. And I threw lots of tantrums. Lol..

My dad's car tyre burst. And I was like a mechanic and I helped to unscrew and turn that wedge thing or what, I don't know. But it was cool. Of course the tyre bursting part was obviously not. Unless you're sick. -_-

Then we found out the cause of it. Some metal needle.
How the heck did a sharp metal poke through that?!!?
If it's foul play, fuck that person man.


I'm interested to Maple again leh. How?

shawt update.
Dec 14, 2009

So it's been a while since I last updated. Thanks for the tags guys. :-)

A couple of weeks before my guitar exam, and because of someone's request to play River flows in you, I was totally distracted to practice my pieces, scales especially, and my hands would have that "itchy feeling" - the kind when you have the urge to play Mahjong - to play the piano.

I find myself so weird. Always doing the wrong things at the wrong times. -_-
Totally the flippin' opposite of Mrs Oh's principle lah! Wth.

So I gradually started to play back the songs I used to play when I took piano then. Those were the days. But I'm actually quite happy they're gone man. The theory sucked. The main reason why I quit.

So the guitar exam...I was really terrified..cause the examiner being a lady, my coach said she would pick on what I would wear, how I cross my legs(-_-), and my hair(?!?). Like seriously, I really believed what he said. But it turns out the friggin' opposite! She was superbly friendly and jovial! And she smiled at me! So many times!!!! The exam went off pretty okay..I really have to count myself lucky...Then she told me to start piano again, somehow or rather she sorta knew I played it before. Professionals. Lol.
That moment I got abit upset lah. You know, the whole Why did I stop. I so regret it now blah blah. -_______-

Okay my exam was like...2 weeks ago. Whoops!!

Moving on.

A friend of mine, I call him Luke, has been staying over at my house..and we all have been hanging out alot recently. Today was no exception. Pearl, him and I went to ECP to ride bicycles(if you follow me on Twitter you should know lol)! It has been very very long since I last sat on one! And when I sat on it and pedalled, I lost my balance and almost had a 1-on-1 with the road. Road ok. =_=

When I got the hang of it........

the chain thingy came off and scared the bloody shit out of me!!!?!?!?!?!?
Luckily Luke fixed it. Whew.
But that "scarred" me and thus throughout the whole 1hour, I rode(pun intended,it's okay, i repeat, OKAY, to not be amused of this!!) in a slow pace.

Then we rode till the Bedok Jetty, idk, what Luke said. Then I had the sobsob moment while riding. You know those typical drama series. Look out the view..recollecting memories.. yeah. The sun set was lovely. But the stench of fish was a TURN OFF.

So cycled back...this time I could really feel the pressure in my calves.
And because of the very uncomfortable seat...my bum is hurting now..Yah..abit embarrassing to say but...it really does hurt alot...:-((((

Now I have to get off the chair very very slowly to prevent any further pain in the you know where....Till here..

Nov 28, 2009

Never updated for god damn long already....
If I have interesting updates I'll definitely drop by again.
Till then. Seeya rawbutfresh!




Nov 23, 2009

Who can i turn to..when my feelings overwhelm me...you can't tell anyone...
You have nobody but yourself to count on.



Nov 21, 2009

我們的腳本 要寫的好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂

rant
Nov 13, 2009

Angry with some people. I know that I can never trust them anymore.

You should mind your actions.

For a liar.
Lying is sinful enough. Making up lies to cover your past lies and LYING again AND NOT EVEN BOTHERING TO CONFESS IS THE WORST OF THE WORST. Note that you cannot keep something from someone forever. You have to spit out the truth one fine day, whether the consequences are dire or not.

For a world class pretender.

Being a critic at people is "good" enough. You hate them and you don't even know them. For those blind followers who FOLLOW pretenders, have you heard of "blind leading the blind"?????
Wonderful. Round of applause.

For an attention wh0re.
Please don't just do it for the sake of attention.
We have eyes. We can see what you're feeding us.

Those bitches who intrude my personal life, my family and my butts', seriously just GTFO. Don't bother resolving it. Don't bother.
From one action, we see the true colours of someone. We know what you are capable of doing.
Because the wound is already inflicted.
A scar will be left behind.
Because of one matchstick, a fire starts.
All thanks to one person. Many are affected.
GROW UP, C'MON.

The same golden rule applies,

"DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, DON'T ASSUME."



And don't even bother to guess who is who. I'll only tell those who I feel need to know. Again, don't make assumptions. If your conscience is clear, there is nothing to be afraid of. I just needed to release what bothered me for so long.

To end it off formally, a question still bothers me.

"Why can't we treat everyone sincerely without asking for anything in return?"








But what does it bring, if I aint got you?
Nov 11, 2009

Went out yesterday with butts, as well as Teresa, Regina, and how can we forget our lovely birthday girl,

ORLENA YEW
(honoured? hee hee)

Well we celebrated in advance. Met at Shaw at CS. Booked tickets for My Girlfriend Is An Agent.
Then we went to Seoul Garden! Yummy food. I had 3 rounds. Seriously yummy, but because we had to hurry, for the movie, we couldn't eat alot. Wasted. But it's alright.

The show was great. Very entertaining and funny.

After that walked around T1 and bought a ring from Diva.
That's probably it. Hope birthday girl enjoyed herself.

Pictures will probably be up on Facebook sooooooooooooooon. :-)




Later I'm gonna meet birthday girl again! Going for CCA Council lunch @ 18Chefs.
Hope Mr Ang will be touched by our lovely surprise for him. Heh.
Maybe I'm gonna rent some books @ eastpoint to bring for my Genting trip.



Shopping shopping shopping.
Money money money.
Sigh. :-(

To end it off, wishing two of my lovely friends,

HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY ORLENA YEW AND ALVIS!!



uprising.
Nov 8, 2009

I was actually fucked up with someone while SF-ing but turns out everything's good now, I even joined his clan LOL.
Hopefully I won't get too addicted to SF cuz it's just to pass my time.

Anyway wow...5 more minutes....
But I don't care, eh eh eh eh eh. I DON'T CARE.
Mark my words, mark it hard.


You're seriously not worth my time. So. Beat it, just beat it, yeah.

I stayed at home the whole entire day today. Very unproductive, which I hate.
Shall start doing constructive work starting from tomorrow.
May not be online much. Facebooking much.
Sigh, I have to stop playing and start doing more serious things already. :-(

Happy that Christmas is nearing!




sad.
Nov 6, 2009

To tell you the truth, I'm really sad inside now.
For not being able to go out with butts for the Singapore Hit awards.
Sigh. really sad.
And so many other things to get over.
Like you.
What if human beings had no emotions?

"Are they thinking of me?"



Aren't holidays meant to be happy? Joyous?
Yet I'm cursed with all these.
I feel life sucks.
I hope that this horrible feeling will go away.
Cause who am I to get sad?



Nov 5, 2009

Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around.


constellations.

109 views. That's pretty awesome. Thank you anonymous people.
Don't know about how you guys think but I'm getting friggin bored with my song playlist already.

School was dull. Face it, I can never keep quiet during AKS lesson man. He'll force me to retort him back you know. Life's tough, hah. And History was moderate to me I guess.

No plans today. It was raining when I was dismissed. Had a short, but impactful talk with Aloy and Kitty. Which I really needed, after all that had happened. Tell myself not to brood about it anymore, still, the thoughts linger. Looking at the current situation, what can I say?

I ask myself,
"So who's to blame?"
Then I know in love, there's no right or wrong.

On to more positive stuffs, I'm home alone, which I like a lot! Yes!

Keep reading if you're interested in my updates. And click my ad if you can. Leave a tag to let me know you're here. I'm being rhetorical hah.

Alright. Bye!




straight through my heart
Nov 4, 2009

At least I'm beginning to feel a lot better.
Drowning myself in work would keep me more occupied.
Concerns are appreciated, thanks.
Seriously what's the point of me thinking so much anyway?
Looking forward to whatever's ahead of me.

I will not talk so much during AKS's lessons anymore. Sheez.

Okay well, research time.


You don't know what a girl want



Yeah, this is my first story
Say oh, oh, oh, baby, la, la, la, la, la
Say oh, oh, oh, honey, la, la, la, la, la

All men are the same
You don’t know anything, you couldn’t even get my hints
Oh gosh, you are driving me crazy

My new hairstyle and brand new shoes
When I ask how is it
You don’t know anything about it

Instead of using your credit card
Show me a troubled heart when I am mad
I can’t tell really your heart
Please tell me straight up

“I love you” that one sentence
How long are you going to be indecisive
Oh, from now on
Please tell me

One, when we hold hands please Intertwine them
Two, smile when i'm irritated
Don’t know, don’t know, don’t know, don’t know
Even when I tell you, you don’t know

Three, call don’t text
Four, make sure you make an eye contact when we talk
Don’t know, don’t know, don’t know, don’t know
You really don’t know my feeling


You don’t know what a girl wants
What a girl, what a girl wants


fog
Nov 3, 2009

Many things are running in my mind now. Wild, I say. But surprisingly enough, I did not shed a tear. Yet. Maybe tears did well up. But I refuse to cry. Told myself to control. Harder than it looks.
Whatever.

Everything is coming back to me now. The past, everything.
Maybe we should. Maybe we shouldn't.



-
Nov 2, 2009

I'm pissed. Never been so pissed at someone before.
Honoured?


badly bruised is all i can think of right now.

insomnia,
Nov 1, 2009

Am pretty drained from doing stupid htmls and stuff for dailylifes and chronicles. don't get these sort of things and never will i.
oh well. it's going to be 7am. just remembered i had such a bad headache around 2am and i popped in 2 panadols, or that's what i think. usually panadols make me drowsy. true, my eyes are pretty tired but I JUST CAN'T SLEEP. uh hoh.

think i'll just skip sleep and make myself a tall glass of milk and a bowl of cereal. how about that? :-)

wow. am pretty energised now after typing that.
So,

GOOD MORNING, SUNDAY! :):):)



Halloween

Happy Halloween isn't making me Happy anymore cause I found out that people are reading my blog without tagging!

>:-(


Was a boring day today. But least I spent good, much-needed quality time with family.

Aha. I saw a pair of lovely Lacoste shoes. You're mine!!!!! :-)

I don't wish for much now. Just wish he knows that I care. Simple enough?





you are my baby love, my baby love.
Oct 30, 2009

Yes, please, go on adoring him.

Pictures make a blog much more attractive.
Teo, alright,maybe you diddddd influence me a bit, but then again, it's still me~ :D


Today was a really dull day. Came early and Ms Arnita asked me to wash my hands to cut chocolate cake for the buffet breakfast. Humorous as she is, since I was wielding a knife, she said she had to go to OM Tan to tell him that, in case I go around acting violently. LOL?
Since I did her a favour, she let me take a decent piece of the cake first. Tasted good, but I don't really like a cake that's too dry. I prefer cakes, chocolate cakes especially, with moisture. That will be HEAVEN. YUM. Um, but please, no icing or cream. Don't like that. I like them bitter!
-raises eyebrows-

Hah. Later don't know who wanted me to ask don't know who about something. Pity me for helping don't know who do such things. D:

Then it was movie screening time. SCHOOL OF ROCK.
A very nice show. Can't stop laughing at Jack Black's antics.

Then later it was newspaper collection time. Pretty fruitful, though most of the houses didn't respond to our knocks, some houses did and they really gave us a lot. One flat, in particular.

After school, Jo almost got ran down by a car. Lol!




Okay. Didn't see him at all today. Whereas others did. Should be able to decipher how I probably feel several hours ago, and now.

What else can I say.












ctxt
Oct 29, 2009

Thanks Celia for choosing this wonderful template(taking off my tagboard, taking off my music and nuffnang ads). ;)

I want your everything as long as it's free,

YAY. FINALLY DONE PUTTING UP THE TAGBOARD & SONGS.


HOW'S IT? Leave a tag. :)


I'm going for the sake of buffet breakfast tomorrow,sorry, later on, in like, 5 hours? LOL.


School is getting smarter in expecting full attendance from us, sheez.
Purposely putting an important "take back report book" with another shit boring activity. Nice one.

I gotten over the whole subject combination thing. Can't be bothered to appeal for a pure sub. I'll suck at it anyway. Oh well. Time to buck up my Chinese, 多讲华语!!

This TP trip was quite interesting. Though we had to walk alot. Up and down, left and right, diagonal, sideways, whatever you can think of. SO MUCH WALKING. URGH. AND WE ONLY TOOK THE LIFT ONCE. -.-

I'm actually interested in Engineering and Business. Okay, I'm saying that cause those were the only schools we went. LOL. Seriously, Diploma in Business isn't that bad. There's a very cute guy there, not the one everyone's eyeing on(the fair skin one), but the lecturer, Kelvin I think. Now that's cute! And there was another person called *coughs. LOL. He looked so cool, omg.

Guess it's either business or engineering if I make it to poly, but my eyes are still on JC. I pray to go JC. Please please.

Will be turning in now. A lil' update on my house, workers came and laid the cement. I had much trouble to come into the room to use the computer cause we couldn't step on it. Promised us that they'll do it within 3 days, now they say Friday then can finish. Paid so much money for all these shit. Kb. My house totally looks like a construction site now lah, walau.

cannonball
Oct 27, 2009

Confused bitch is me.


Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die

down down, we gonna get down,
Oct 25, 2009

Decided that having profanities as a top post wouldn't be too sightly.
So, HI! :-)
Good that I have this blogging spirit back in me.

I'm going out later with family. And tomorrow with close ones,hopefully.

Yay. Finally,ugh. Have gotten over my horrible results of what I called "balanced", meaning, passing 4 subs and failing the other 4. :-(

And I'm happy, my house's gonna go through the renovation(finally), after much delaying. Three days, Mon-Wed. There'll be a lot of noise going on especially on Monday as they're gonna get what, tile-breakers and break the tiles!!
Thank goodness I'll be out. :P

And my newly moved neighbour, whom I just met now, guess what's his name.
..
..
...
...
..
..
..
..
..
.



















UNCLE PAUL! OMG. :O

DEVASTATED!!

FUCK I TOTALLY SCREWED MY BLOG TEMPLATE.
FUCK FUCK.

...
My links and every shit out there is fucking gone.

Bloody hell!!!!

Stand by me 날 바라봐줘,

"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future"
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future"
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future"


Alright. I'm done. How much I love this sentence.

Sick of funny weird thoughts of BU and all that kinda shit. At least everything's okay now. Those few days, no, weeks, of tiresome longing. A draggggggggggggggggggg.


And I love how I said "She's not my competitor. 他不是我的对手," to some lil' peanut. Yeah, that's how I see her. Don't bother guessing, she's not worth it. (oops)

And if you think there's a link from this paragraph to above, THERE ISN'T. Ok? :)

Think you can thank the heavens that I'm making a proper post.


Finally, something that shouts ME. Stay tuned!


I LOVE Ris Low. Seriously.

If I can't have you,

I really wanted to make a proper post today.
But my mind's overflooded with too much thoughts. Ugh.

Anything, anything at all. As long as we can go back to how we were before.
Oct 23, 2009

If you would describe my life as a boat, it's not sailing smoothly now. In fact I'm more upset than ever. Excluding the horrible results that includes a variety of grades from F9 onwards.

I keep asking myself Why. Why Why Why.

It has been 2 weeks already. 2 whole weeks.

Hello!
Oct 12, 2009

Haha. It's like 2am now and I have Math and Physics tomorrow. Don't know how I'll do. I'm already thinking what can I keep myself preoccupied on Wednesday when the exams are over!
Ice skating? Bowling? Movie dates? Buffet? Book-reading? Working? Swimming? Can't wait ahh!
And I'll be doing a lot more blogging and catching up on my YouTube subscriptions. I can't wait. Meanwhile, I'll just hit back the books and mug till 4.

I'll do a lot more changes to this damned blog soon. Till then. ;)

shock!
Oct 8, 2009

This sounds crazy but I totally didn't realise that

my

blog

is

OPEN.


Crazy much.
AnywayI'll be having my Math and Chinese papers in hours time. 8 hours to be exact. So. I'll stop here.
Good luck to everyone taking the exams!


Sep 23, 2009

Through time.
Things change.
People change.
What's inconsolable..is that it's irreversible.




Sep 21, 2009


My latest game addictions.
Friends For Sale.
Diner Dash.
Parking Dash.
Jubeat.
Toy-grabbing machines.

FFS. After several weeks of procrastination of playing FFS (I told myself never to play FFS), I gave in and in the end, turned out to be so addictive
! "Buy me buy me!"

Jubeat was like WOW. Totally amazing and fun. Haha, very fun!
And YMCA was pretty hard. But nevertheless still fun. Yay!
:):):)

Sigh. Can never ever get a toy from toy-grabbing machines. Like today, I tried thrice and, sigh, the toy just won't fall off. :-(

Diner and Parking are just some computer games. If I get bored or what. But I always get too engrossed and I don't blink so when the time comes and I blink, I realise my eyes get very strained and watery.. -.-

That's about it. I now have a big new pink soft toy
bear! Given by Axel for my belated birthday. Thanks!




Will upload pictures very sooon in Facebook about today! Turned out to be fun,today!
:-)

Looking forward to school tomorrow, haha. :D

Sep 9, 2009

09/09/2009.



I'm not saying its your fault Although you could have done more
Sep 6, 2009

To love or to be loved?


Life's full of wonders. Hahaha. :-))

Sep 4, 2009

Baby won't you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
But there is something left in my head

You're the one who set it up now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
But there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling's so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know

You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
Now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
There is something left in my head

Yes i know

Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There ain't so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore

That's why you go away I know

happy birthday, babe!
Sep 1, 2009

Happy birthday Pamela, and may whatever you wish for come true. Luvs.

:-)

Had a fun day. Sentosa wasn't sucha bad idea afterall. What took me back was the weather. Strong winds. And hello, we were having our picnic near sea, which obviously has its natural breeze going on. So hair flew everywhere, followed by picnic stuffs. Haiz. I agree I wasn't 100% happy cause I was thinking alot bout my phone. Apparently, I was too engrossed in cooking, and cleaning, and cooking somemore, that I left my phone at Tan's house. Saddening lah. I felt lost.

Anyway, whatever lar, trained to Vivo after our memorable picnic, and went to, needless to say, Forever 21, River Island, Topshop, etc. Obviously?! We have a Branded Babe here! Referring to Pam, if ya don't know.

Afterwards, while walking on the way to the MRT, Tan and I got stopped at our tracks because of an "ex-offender"(who knows, she may not be one) claiming she needs our donations to get her back into the education path. Apparently, Teo and Loh(LOL) already went off, leaving me and Tan with her. -.-"

She sounded really sincere and all, but I'm good at lying too.
Ok. Fine. Im bad. Whatever! ~.~

Afterwards, went to 77th Street at Bugis. Teo and I pierced.
Hah, I should emphasise more on Teo, cause it's her first time having a piercing, make that 3! Well, now she has 3 holes. That sounds bloody wrong. Hah!
And she keeps saying it's surreal. Well she better believe it! Me? I pierced my third lor.
Am hoping for more, like really.

Pics are all at Facebook. I'll keep updating this blog. Even though I receive like little tags discourages me a teeny weeny bit. :-(


K lah,people. I go study liao. I will start chiong-ing now. Like really. I mean it. Won't online unless necessary,so, God bless that I won't have the urge to play computer.
I'll work hard now. I won't say 'harder', cause I never really worked hard at all.
Hope I won't do the same mistakes again. Until then, this blog wouldn't be updated.

Toooodlessssss. :-)








don't stop til' you get enough, get up!!
Aug 31, 2009

Had Indian food today at some restaurant in DTE for dinner. Very delish! And the service was great. Spent over 70 dollars for it, but it was a rightful price to pay.

Then there was this horrible, simply horrible little white herb. It was only but millimetres thick, but when it was on my mouth, the taste of perfume diffused into my tonguebuds and omg, I almost vomitted. I had to take 4 Eclipse mints to get rid of the perfumy taste. Seriously, it's 100% perfume in there.
Any takers? :-)

Too bad, I was in a pretty horrible mood cause my parents and I could not see eye to eye at certain things, which fine, I can understand. But I just don't like it when they start dumping in things that are simply untrue. If you don't know about something/someone well, it's not right to say something about that person, especially something negative. Right? That's downright stereotyping, man, like what the fuck!

My blog is seriously life...less. Going through a financial crisis. Have to stinge and save on a number of things, and shopping. I do save lah, but, now I feel a harder pinch. :(

Talk about 'improving economy' lah, bullshit.










Baby please forget me not I want you to remember,
Aug 29, 2009

Those were the times we had
Sharing a joy that we thought would last
Memories of love and affection
Never really was just like a dream
Was it the simple things
That made me so crazy about you



Damn, now I know I have Windows Movie Maker. Lol. -_-.

joke time!
Aug 25, 2009

Oh and I wonder if this is funny to you guys. Sorry if I wasted your time...blah.

During the Ms Universe 2009, they announced that Heidi Montag would be performing.
Knowing that she's a total slutty whore(google her), I said "EW," very loudly to my dad. Of course, my dad was wondering why. So he "Huh?" And I wanted to say "SHE'S A BITCH." But instead I just said" Oh er, I don't know who one lah." -tries to break a laugh-
Funny anot?! What a leg to pull, what a leg.


Kk. Time to KO. Hah!!!! Get it?! Kk, time to KO?
Nevermind.



at the beginning

We were strangers, starting out on a journey
Never dreaming, what we'd have to go through
Now here we are, I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope, you were there to remind me
This is the start

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand, unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Knew there was somebody, somewhere
A new love in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart


Hoping that they'll talk to each other soon. Dearest ones.

nothing really lasts forever.
Aug 23, 2009

I can't seem to think of 7 things I like about myself.
Rather, I can easily think of 10 things that I hate about myself.
So,so many things.
Being an adolescent does gives me an excuse to be a moody bitch.
Sigh, think of contentment,Paulynn. Contentment.

I have not been getting good nourishment this past few days.
Lunch- takeaway.
Dinner-takeaway.
I'm getting sick of seeing styrofoam and using dispensable forks.
I have stopped eating beef already and other meat except fish. Pork is okay but it's better that I eat 'em occasionally or something. Till...god knows when.

My hair is not making any improvement. Moving on.

Tests are also not faring well.

I'm dying to buy new clothes and accessories and everything and anything that I think ought to be bought. But now even after ignoring the financial issue, I can't seem to be in a mood to even get out of Tampines.
:-(

-gasp- Look at the time!! I better go sleep now! Bye!


smile a little smile for me,
Aug 19, 2009

I don't know why, but now, I just feel like taking a nice long bus ride. Doesn't matter where it heads.
Time is passing way too fast. Sometimes I wish that time will slow down, but then again, getting something over and done with asap may be better too, rather than holding on.

Maybe I am holding on too much on the past. Maybe it's time I let go. Maybe, I shouldn't think about it anymore and just move on. But I'm afraid I can't.

Still, contentment makes a poor man rich. Thus I'm really trying hard to be contented. With whatever I have around me, and with me. With life. With a so-called pathetic phase I'm going through now. It's not easy but still, it's never too late to start. Contentment.

Cause I wish you were here,
Aug 13, 2009

I'm pretty tired of this laziness in me.
Of not doing homework till the very last minute.
Of me failing tests, just cause I don't see the importance of them.
Then wham, 2 upcoming TAs.
I really am tired of this and more importantly, myself.
Seriously, what is happening to everything?
世界上,没有了我,也都一样.

I'm fucking sick and tired already. Weekends. So?
Attending useless tuition filled with noisy fucktards who add on to noise pollution.
Attending guitar lessons when there is simply no point anymore. Without ---.
Coming back home, doing every chore you can think of. No assistance. And both parents unfit for anything. That's fine. Just get used to it, right?

Fucking shit man. Some fucked up shit. I can't find any way to cheer myself up now.

Failing all the three sciences.
Failing both e and a maths.
English is deproving. Look at how Mrs K thinks of me now. What can I do?
Studies are like that. Family. No comments.

Who am I to think of aiming high now, when my life is all fucked up?
Who am I to dream?

what a wicked game it plays,

Failed mostly all the tests I got back. If you asked me what was the last test I passed, I wouldn't answer you straight away. Cause it happened far too long ago, and I simply can't remember,ignoring STM.

I'm pretty upset at some things now. Tried to stop thinking, yet.

a funny moment.
Aug 11, 2009



I was actually very sad and having the :( moment but after seeing this, I burst in laughter.

Finally, after watching Music Bank consecutively, I found out this band Norazo. God they're funny!!!

Bb!

sick;

Feeling an unpleasant sour taste in the back of my mouth.
The more I cough, the more sour it seems to get.
E to the W...-_-..
And the phlegm.. oh my god..-_-..
The fever is going up and down like crazy. From 38.4..to 37.6..then 38.1..and afterwards 36.9.

And I slept 4 times today. Woke up @ 10am due to body aches and feeling extremely hot. Then slept, woke up, slept, woke up.

Feeling drowsy and nauseous now.
I hope I can make it on Wed.

Still, happy birthday Tan. You deserve this, and way much more. Happy 15th! Love.xoxo :):):):)

Goodnight. Shall be resting till dusk! Lol!

thankyou
Aug 8, 2009

Thanking those who wished me happy birthday yesterday.
Thanking everyone who wished me today.
I really appreciate it!!
If you follow me on Twitter, you should know what I'm doing now!!

So yeah, I'm off!

Yes, I'm very high now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO YEAH, BYE!

Aug 7, 2009

Trying to be as accurate as possible.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF. :)

If I fail, if I succeed, at least I live as I believe.

It says 23:19 in my computer. I doubt I can sleep early today!
Thanking the people who gave me presents.

It doesn't matter where I am or what I get, it's the company. So thanking Pam,Tan and Shir for today's bbq. It was fun, though we were just playing cards.

And a thousand and million and trillion apologies to Shir. For dropping your phone. First time somemore.. Sorry Shirleen. :x


Though some issues cropped up, but really in life, we can't have everything we want. I don't blame them. All I want from them is to know that I did not change. I'm still their .. I'm not gonna change...I'm not gonna have any .. now, or 2 years from now, make that 2-5 years. Whichever they are happy with. I'm still gonna be me. I just want them to understand that fact. Is it that hard? Or is it all along, I was the one that have been giving them wrong signals? Maybe I was the cause of everything. If only. If only.



First and foremost, I hope that Tan had a great bbq today. Maybe she's still there grilling marshmallows, I don't know but still, I know she had fun!!
The helium, oh my gosh. So funny!
Of course, who suggested? Me!!
Then the balloons. Gosh, look at her, completely speechless. Aw...:)

Today's floorball was definitely a good match too. After the match, went back to class for a mini party. It was fun, playing Billie Jean, Nobody, and Toy Soldier and many many other songs. Please credit my phone for providing quality music, unlike Jeremy's. Oh my god, Seasons In The Sun? Lemon Tree?! And some song called PRETTY BOY?!?! Fine Jeremy, quits. -.-
Sheesh. I got quite high in the MJ songs and Nobody. Danced a bit to Nobody. Please, you guys enjoyed it right?!?!

Pam's sleeping now. Tan is, well you know who is she with now lah hor. Shirleen is probably at home too.

Though I can't celebrate my birthday with my relatives, I thank them that they gave me a card. Well, even though it was not from all of them, but only some, I appreciate it. Well, it's definitely better we stay this way right? I'm used to it anyway.

I shall go cut the cake now.
Goodnight everyone.

I'm trying so hard, not to cry, from all the Whitney songs. Sheeeeesh. i'm gonna fail....

Still, I will come back exactly 6 minutes later.



birthday celebration.
Aug 6, 2009

I have been looking forward for 6th August for weeks. The surprise, or surprises I gotten were definitely memorable and sweet. Though it was just but a short dinner which lasted for a few hours, I appreciate the fact that they specially took time off to celebrate with me. Why would I ask for the sky, when I have all the stars in my palm?

I'm putting the details here so that even as the days,months and years past, and so long as my rawbutfresh is still well,"fresh", I will be able to read my archives and laugh and talk about it when I'm feeling bored or crappy.

The suspicion first fell in when I noticed Pam carrying a Taka bag with something aluminium-foily type of I dont know what the heck is that thing thing. Then you know what Pam told me? I remembered hor, Teo.
"What's in that bag, Pam?"
" No it's Tan's one. She ask me to bring for her one."
"What is it?"
" You so kp for what?"
" Er okay."
As I tried to peek inside, they kept insisting it was Tan's thing, Tan's thing.
What can I do. 2 V 1.

So, then when at Fish& Co. Well we ate there. Shall critic on the food later.
So many things, so little time sheesh. Anyway at Fish&Co Ms Tan went to the staff and gave the Taka bag to her, for I really dont know what reason. AT FIRST.

Then Pam misled me and said that that was a cake and it's for both me and Tan, since our birthdays both fall on Aug. So I was, well..okay? (you can totally imagine me saying that.)
THEN those two misled me AGAIN and said that this Fish&Co don't do birthday celebrations when I THOUGHT that they had something planned for me. So jian right. I believed them, you know. Then along all my suspicions, those two kept whispering sweet nothings to each other. If something is not going on, for the love of God please fk me. Ok ew. No.

For the cake, I hit it bullseye. But what came next was totally unexpected and the crimax.
Yah, crimax.

A male staff went up to me and asked me, "Okay whose birthday is it?"
I was totally shocked and gave the classic HUH look. I told him my name and he shaked my hand and wished me happy birthday. Then he requested for me to stand on the chair. Omg how I fucking feared that I'll fall off the chair or the chair will break or something. You know how light I am -coughs. And the chair. OMG WAS IT EVEN STRONG ENOUGH? It was like bamboo-ish, type. Omg.

As I stood on the chair, I held a sparkle. God knows how long I last held a sparkle. Which the sparks were sorta "raining" on my hand. But at that moment you really can't feel any pain at all. Only the feeling of embarrassment and awkwardness.

Then the staff said, oh my god I can remember," Okay there's a birthday girl in the house by the name of Paulynn!"
Then the staff members did a cheer.
Then they asked the people in the restaurant to sing me a happy birthday.
Now that I'm recollecting those memories, I can't help but smile about it. Gosh!!!

Then there it was. The cake that had been hiding in that Taka bag. Haha you're in my tummy right now. Okay what a joke. So it was a cake which Pam made. Carrot cake with self-made frosting with oreo if I'm not wrong. That was really super. Aw..:)

What was my wish?
Hahah, of course. I'm not gonna tell you. It won't come true otherwise. Harhar.
And I think I'll get another wish on the actual day itself? Hahahaah!

Oh they also gave me a blue heart necklace which was really another Aw.. moment. <3 style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-style: italic;">I hope that I won't throw my face during the NE Investiture.
I hope that I won't screw up in floorball.
More importantly,I hope that I'll be strong and not be so oversensitive and not think too much.
I'm too sensitive already lar. -.-!

I am looking forward to a greater day ahead.
Thank you Pam and Tan, Tan and Pam whichever sequence, for today. I love you two very much!! XOXOXOXOXO.

Goodnight sweethearts!

PS: And thank you so much Adelia, for wishing me via sms. That was really sweet of ya. :D

PPS: LOL I forgotten to critic about the food. Pictures aren't with me anyway. Hah!!

You break down my walls with the strength of your love
Aug 4, 2009

It's coming to a Wednesday but I keep thinking tomorrow's a Thursday. And I'm not the only one feeling this way.

Well. I did something ridiculous today. Make that all the NE Champs. For the investiture, we have to make such an awkward entrance at the later part.. I'm praying I won't trip over a bag or a file. Planning to skip tomorrow's and Thurs' rehearsal. LMC is really very ks. Like seriously.

And something very saddening is that I left my SYF costume in the lab. Which really sucks. Really really really really really fucking sucks.

This week has been very hectic. Look at the amount of hair I've dropped. Ever since last week,we had taken at least 2 tests. This week there's 3. And the next, we'll have 2. I'm tired. Really tired. I don't have the extra energy to even talk at home. Now, I just either "mm" or "yah". Which my family is starting to get edgy about.

And tomorrow's PE. I'm planning to sweat out as much as I can. Releasing endorphins will make one feel good.

Aiming to pass my Amath TA. Since my Sciences are all like shit now.

Ending with a sigh. Goodnight.

Sigh. I don't even know whether I can even be in a joyous mood on my birthday. I mean. On the actual day. If I'm thinking too much, then fine. Case closed.
.
And guitar class tomorrow, he's not there. Rephrase. He will not be there till maybe Nov. What if he doesn't come back thereafter? I won't get to see him anymore. Why can't I at least have a beautiful ending to this?...

"the best is yet to be"

Doing a quick one. School was okay. English was fun, as always. Something funny about Mrs K is that she talks about one thing, then links it to her own personal experience, and then later on she'll ask us "Where were we?" and then we'll all break out in laughter, or maybe just me, and the cycle continues. Of cause it's not funny if I'm saying it like that. Math. Mr Ang was weird. Asking me what's my problem when I don't even have one. (Even if I did, I wouldnt ask him) I was not even looking at him, btw. Pearl went for her night study today, and when she come back she told me that Mr Ang told her that my Maths was weak. Thanks. Like I don't know that. ==' And something funny was that Mr Ang wasn't in his usual working wear, but instead, he wore brown bermudas, a black shirt and he was wearing his spectacles. I tried to imagine that but, epic phail. If I saw him like that I think I would die from excessive laughter.

Hah. I'm screwed for Chem. Not even 1/2 of the revision done. I took a long nap today, from 6 to 10. I could not help it. It was straining and my eyes kept closing. And don't forget I slept at 4am yesterday, sigh. Again, could not help it..

I think tonight, I'll probably sleep at 3.

OH. One more thing that I'm really proud of. The NE investiture said that they were going to have rehearsals on Tues and Thurs. But I insisted that Thurs was a long day and that people ended at 4.45. Actually it was only one guy from 3E2. But I made it so dramatic that they made it on Wed. So my Thurs is off. It's not really cause of the long day, that I insisted on a Wednesday. Butts should know this.

I hope my mood won't ruin everything.
I hope I can control my emotions better.
I hope that I can change.
I hope I can see things positively.
I hope my family can get over this crisis.
I hope I can enjoy August with wonderful memories.






amused.
Aug 2, 2009

I am very amused that I have a lot of homework and I'm still posting this shit.
Let's not forget I have yet to start on my revision.
Really very..very amused.

Jul 31, 2009



Have to love the chorus.



"Sometimes you just gotta act like you don't care. That's the only way them boys learn."

Goodnight. XOXO.

Washed all the wisdom out of your mouth And gas danced on the edge of your bottom lip

This guy's Chung Lim. Yes, he's Korean. Chung Lim. Imagine saying that over and over.
Chung Lim Chung Lim Chung Lim Chung Lim.

That was so...not hilarious.

Very bored now. Pam is bending rocks and Tan is not online. I have tons of homework and yet, I'm still downloading more K songs. It's a sure thing that I fail this Math TA. I only guarantee 4 marks for the first question. Pathetic, aren't I? For the rest, I'm filled with several uncertainties. But like what Xin Sheng say, " It's over. Forget it." Darn right.
I'd better move on.

And it will be harder now to try though, cause I won't be talking that much during Math lessons anymore. Not planning to.

Since I'm bored, tag me if you know what bending rocks mean.
No hint. Too ez.
LOL.
If Pam doesnt even know, that will be even more LOL.
No prize thou. Recession.

Ttfn.

FYI.
With reference of my previous post, I didn't see Ms Tham at all today. So I'm still inside this dumb NE shit. FML.

Currently in a holiday mood woop woop! ;)


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