It's hard that I've gone through 12 years of education, taking mainly compulsory subs, and only actually having few chances to choose what you really want(Sec 3, JC Year 1), and now I've reached that standstill in life where I have to finally finally decide for the path I want to walk on my own now.

Making decisions in life was never considered easy. It's hard that you have to put into consideration of your parents' wishes, your teachers' expectations, your friends' feedback and most importantly is the final decision made by ourselves.
It's a loadful, a mouthful...and even a handful to be in a rushed hour to complete applications, at the same time maintaining a full-time job..And then let's not forget about the driving lessons and Final Theory Test that's coming up. Pretty hectic eh? *pats own shoulder in agreement

I really have to thank a few of the Angels who have come across my path to give me solid, realistic and positive advice on how I should walk on this new path...

Firstly.. Patrick, a regular in our beer garden, who have gave me a long but fruitful talk that I should put my A Levels as a past... Don't look at it as a failure.. Don't look at myself as a failure... And see myself as someone who has peaked too early; Someone who didn't gave A Level standardized answers but instead, something better: University standard answers!
He said I was out of this system which everyone is so into(stellar grades), and he considers that to be a success. He congratulated me as he would see me being ( even more)successful in my next path..
He was definitely not being all skeptical, or plain saying it to give me a sense of comsolation.
He had conviction in it, and I believed in him as I did in myself after hearing him.
Thank you Patrick. For believing in me, and seeing something else that I myself was blinded by. You made me believe in myself once again, and if given the opportunity, I will do well and definitely not forget you who gave me the motivation in the first place.

*pats shoulders for good effort in A Levels* Well Done to myself. :)

Secondly was a Professor in Teaching, whom I come across in NTU Open House today. She wasn't too staunched in making me choose teaching - something I would consider secondarily...But having spoken to her, she said teaching was not going to be any easier than other professions, but she encouraged me to apply it as a first choice to show that I really want it..
(which at that point when I was talking to her, I was still a half-half in going to put first for that)
But after much mulling( and there's gonna be more mulling tonight when I sleep *wails), it's something that I definitely need, it's something that SG definitely needs.. And hey, it's a fulfilling career, which is what I want right?
Is It something, though, that I really really want?...
Well.... instead of the 50% before... i am more of an 80-90% now.
Instead of pursuing History in Uni(which is of course great!), I could also do History thru teaching, couldn't I? It's still History... plus that extra bliss of knowing you may have opened another realm of interest for your future students..
That makes me very happy internally when I think of that..
Passion.

Thirdly, are my Parents. I must have done many good deeds in my past life to have gotten top-notch, world class parents... To be so ever supportive in whatever I do. I want to give them the best life they could ever imagine soon. When they finally retire, that's when their life actually begins again... I wish to fund for their travelling expenses...And to provide them money weekly, monthly...
But you know what they always say - you can never clear your "debt" for your parents.. - You are forever indebted to your parents and no amount of money can pay them back for the life-years of unceasing and incessant love, worry and effort.

And last but not least, Buddha. Thank You for lighting this path ahead of me. I know I am still in a tunnel, waiting to find a way out. But I will find the light you have lit for me. May I finally found my passion, and transcend that passion to everyone and everywhere else.

I want to leave that kind of legacy. And I know that starts today.

I miss crushing on you. Yes. Just plain, simple crushing. The pinning of my emotions towards you.
I miss you, for adding that tinge of sparkle during my JC days. The days I would anticipate to just have a shy glance at you - the underdog. But surrounded with one of too many female company sometimes. (it does make me jealous - of all girls, i could not get a chance be close to you :/) Instead, you were pretty close with my clique.
No fate?
Seemingly, thus my hopes were dashed, and I forced myself for a period of time, to stop liking you.
But it won't go away. (This does not seem like a normal hi-and-bye eyecandy moment, I thought to myself)
The more I pushed the thoughts of you away, the more I could bump into you, sometimes a solemn hi.
Once, just once, you walked straight towards me... I was prepared to say hi to you.
Perhaps you walked too fast to notice me. Perhaps, I was too "unattractive" to catch your attention in the first place.


That, really made me feel like the most bitter of souls, at that point.

Did I mention how you weren't one of those popular, outspoken guys?
On the contrary, you were a shy guy.
But you had a certain charm.
A charm which most of my friends don't see, but I did.
The way you took effort in styling your hair, the way you walked, but most importantly, was your smile.
Your smile glistens. And it is really, really enchanting.
I was completely floored, and utterly memorised ever since.

It was really you all along, Chong Han. you made me had hope to ask you out.
I remember studying a few tables away from you, you were opposite me.
I thought for a moment, you were stealing glances toward me. (I had the oddest feeling, or probably just hallucinating)
I was happy, nonetheless.
And then I mustered courage one fine study night, to go up to the 4th floor (intentionally).
You were mugging hard, but already exhausted..
You chose to come to sch, despite being just an hour. from 8-9pm.
But I was happy I sat close by, to listen to your voice.
Bliss.

I don't know if you have figured out that I was the one who had a thing for you.
If you did, I wouldn't dare make a guess of your reaction...
Ignorance is bliss.


But, I hope you know by now.. at the very least..... Do you?
:l

In the end, during Grad Day, at least, there was a photo of two of us, with help from my favored friends.
And, we could study in the library together...side by side.
Thaaaaaaat, was the ultimate high of my life.
I never felt internally happy. It was as though my wish from Heaven came true.
I could spend decent memories just with you, and nobody else.
You taught me Math.
You were smart and hardworking, which I admired as well.

With help from my favoured few again, I could sneak a note inside your pencilcase.
You texted me the very night to thank me.
That alone, is enough to wrap up my feelings for you.

Despite knowing some flaws about him, he's always considered my crushie to me.
I guess, I know there can't be anything more between us.

But you'll never read this.

Happy Valentine's Day - well spent by recollecting sweetest and fondest memories of you. Not expecting anything in return. Not that I still endearingly like you. But I have to admit, liking you added sweetness,(a few tears aftermath...), made me feel that college days were worthwhile.

Just one day. One day, I will move out and away from this tiny place we call home. I want to migrate...I just want a less stressful life. My parents' age add up to a 100, they need a less stressed life to head on their golden years. I wish them to retire in the pink of health....As for me, if I continue on with this, I'm just going to start plucking my hair out before I hit 21..

you will be my memory and my rememberance. i only know the moments we can share in the future will only be imagery formed in my head. not so of wishful thinking, but more of moving on from you. if the feeling's not right any longer, it won't be right anymore. i'm done! so go on and break free from the shackles of what we once shared, a tight bond between us two that could be sworn to secrecy because nobody under the sky knew, except us.

i hope we don't keep in touch, because i'm moving on and away from you. so long! may we never meet again!

today i learnt that people change. maybe, it's not them that is to ''blame'', but our unwillingness to accept and conform the new ''them''. when things like these happen, who do you blame? Them or yourself? and when people change, do they actually change for the better or for the worst? don't anybody actually think of all these? I have to take extra caution because i know one wrong move and everything will be wholly different. i know this post sounds abit depressing, but this is just my two cents worth from this recent June hols. I only can ascertain something from this rich experience, and that is: I believe I have caused one great of a contribution, or probably one heck of a mess, and it's time for me to move on.

I have definitely rekindled my long lost love in blogging again! So relieving to pour out my sorrows..k lah, now holidays, i should be saying more pleasing things, my happiness then, without having to care who will read or whatever.

you know what i hate most? waiting for an email to come back to you, but it never does.
it will probably get back to you a week later. but what can you do? you're only pathetically waiting for the other end.
this is probably the most irritating thing ever during PW.

Woah I am SUCHHHHH a suaku! blogging from my phone for the first freaking time and this is definitely awesome...ok. enough hyping. :)I'M EXCITED FOR MY IPOD NANO WHICH I WILL BE COLLECTING TODAY I HOPE! YES I'M BEING RANDOM! HEHE! MY FIRST APPLE PRODUCT! How not to be?!?! well...before i stop, I finally FINISHED VAMPIRE DIARIES SEASON 1 (last year) AND SEASON 2(just now)! definitely a tear-jerker...i'm still not out of it actually! still thinking of stefan, elena and of course damon :\ Well its nice to be blogging again. I HOPE TO BE AS ACTIVE AS I CAN!  ;-)

Have you ever faced a hypocrite?
That would say one thing and do the other, without a blink of an eye?
Gives me the shivers just thinking about it.

I'm back to blogger and I believe it has been XXXXX years!
Welllllll hiya again rawbutfresh. ;)
Thinking back, this ridiculous titie makes the hairs on my back stand!!! Why oh why did I think of such a comical title, tsk.

Post-it is having a contest!
It's the Post-it® “How You Use It” contest.
Do you often use post-it to note important things?
I know I do!
Whenever I need to jot something down, I will always use a Post-it®!
I never ever forget my notes, thanks to Post-it®.

For those who witnessed..you know. You saw. you probably heard.. Bah. These type of things how to control, you tell me?????

When I was in primary school, I had a Math teacher. And I remember quite clearly he was talking about Amaths . He said it was a higher level type of Math. At that moment, primary 5, I thought I was never, over my dead body, going to take up Amath in secondary school, since my Math in primary school can already kiss my ass.

it's 5.14am now. i really need to squeeze out at least complete homework out of me. damn it lazy me, i have to give family day a miss tomorrow. damnittohell.

got this from jemimah. i dont know if she'll be seeing this but. oh, this is too true. -_-

i just HAVE to finish my ace today. tomorrow's the 31st for christ sake. hell no i'm going to do any thing work related. 2010 is coming and it's pretty surreal man. can you still recall those fond moments in the early part of 2009? i still can, miraculously. bah, new year, back to school life, let's do it!! Pun intended. Oops. D:

I wish everyone a merry christmas to whoever you are. :-)


Time really flies fast...and wow we're just a week away from going back to school again. Back to the same old routine. I find it sorta surreal. Even though we go through this every year, somehow, I feel something different this year. Probably because you wisen up as you go through different obstacles and stuff in life, that's how you grow up and start thinking mature. I think we should all count our blessings that we all can live a life, a life with your family, your closed ones and all. Not only Christmas we should spend time together with our loved ones, but every single day. Like I said, time flies fast so we'd better cherish every single thing, every single soul. Cliche as it sounds, we only live once. And I just wanted to bring up this important point of this mighty word called Cherishing.

Okay. Rambling again. Just had that sorta feeling, ya know? (maybe not.)
I'd better get back to my work..
By work I mean...for the almighty school. oh yeah! -_-

Meantime, see you whoever you ares... ;)

Hello people. I'll be away for my long-awaited and long anticipated trip.
It's not very far. But still, it's a getaway. Like, literally, getting me away from everything that I'm occupied with.

Of course I'll miss the you-know-whos.

And I'll be like Santa's messenger and bring presents back. That is if I don't over-shop.

I thought of what to buy for my mum and dad, and my sis. Just wanna share.
For my mum, I'll get her a weighing scale. Not that kind of scale that measures your kgs and pounds, okay.
It's that baking one. Okay? -_-

For my dad, I'll be getting him.....maybe a new wallet. Coin pouch maybe. Something he can use daily and practical.
He's a practical guy. You know how fathers are. Ok,maybe not all fathers are like this.

As for my sister, she reads my blog so I cannot publish this.
But she's so in love with this now, I just have to get her this to "satisfy" her.
Ok. That sounded wrong. LOL.

Okay. I'll have to wake up at 5 again.
And I'll be leaving by first class...........coach..LOL.

Shut up I know what you're thinking!!

Just joking. Of course it may sound silly.
Who doesn't want to fly over. It'll probably take me like half an hour. Or less. Or an hour.

BUT THE FLIGHTS ARE FULL SO I CAN'T REALLY DEAL WITH THAT, CAN I. -_-??

And to fly there and pay more(compared to coach, of course) is a bit of a "unneccessary" thing right.

I mean, if you can save it, save it.


Probably I won't even be sleeping. I'll be Wifi-ing away. So toodles people. And see me back on Wednesday.

Thanks for all the tags and readers.
XOXO
:-))

Woke up at 8 or so this morning. Bathed and all, played Cafe World, then I found out it was already 8.40. Had to be in school by 9. Was just a tad late. Had a meeting at the meeting room with Old Man till a late 10 o' clock++. That funny self proclaimed "hunk" -__-.

I have to do so many things but it's good that I have things to keep myself busy with. You don't think so much that way right!

I've been sleeping alot lately. Then today I realised I was sick. Sore throat. Not good. And I threw lots of tantrums. Lol..

My dad's car tyre burst. And I was like a mechanic and I helped to unscrew and turn that wedge thing or what, I don't know. But it was cool. Of course the tyre bursting part was obviously not. Unless you're sick. -_-

Then we found out the cause of it. Some metal needle.
How the heck did a sharp metal poke through that?!!?
If it's foul play, fuck that person man.


I'm interested to Maple again leh. How?

So it's been a while since I last updated. Thanks for the tags guys. :-)

A couple of weeks before my guitar exam, and because of someone's request to play River flows in you, I was totally distracted to practice my pieces, scales especially, and my hands would have that "itchy feeling" - the kind when you have the urge to play Mahjong - to play the piano.

I find myself so weird. Always doing the wrong things at the wrong times. -_-
Totally the flippin' opposite of Mrs Oh's principle lah! Wth.

So I gradually started to play back the songs I used to play when I took piano then. Those were the days. But I'm actually quite happy they're gone man. The theory sucked. The main reason why I quit.

So the guitar exam...I was really terrified..cause the examiner being a lady, my coach said she would pick on what I would wear, how I cross my legs(-_-), and my hair(?!?). Like seriously, I really believed what he said. But it turns out the friggin' opposite! She was superbly friendly and jovial! And she smiled at me! So many times!!!! The exam went off pretty okay..I really have to count myself lucky...Then she told me to start piano again, somehow or rather she sorta knew I played it before. Professionals. Lol.
That moment I got abit upset lah. You know, the whole Why did I stop. I so regret it now blah blah. -_______-

Okay my exam was like...2 weeks ago. Whoops!!

Moving on.

A friend of mine, I call him Luke, has been staying over at my house..and we all have been hanging out alot recently. Today was no exception. Pearl, him and I went to ECP to ride bicycles(if you follow me on Twitter you should know lol)! It has been very very long since I last sat on one! And when I sat on it and pedalled, I lost my balance and almost had a 1-on-1 with the road. Road ok. =_=

When I got the hang of it........

the chain thingy came off and scared the bloody shit out of me!!!?!?!?!?!?
Luckily Luke fixed it. Whew.
But that "scarred" me and thus throughout the whole 1hour, I rode(pun intended,it's okay, i repeat, OKAY, to not be amused of this!!) in a slow pace.

Then we rode till the Bedok Jetty, idk, what Luke said. Then I had the sobsob moment while riding. You know those typical drama series. Look out the view..recollecting memories.. yeah. The sun set was lovely. But the stench of fish was a TURN OFF.

So cycled back...this time I could really feel the pressure in my calves.
And because of the very uncomfortable seat...my bum is hurting now..Yah..abit embarrassing to say but...it really does hurt alot...:-((((

Now I have to get off the chair very very slowly to prevent any further pain in the you know where....Till here..

Never updated for god damn long already....

Who can i turn to..when my feelings overwhelm me...you can't tell anyone...

Angry with some people. I know that I can never trust them anymore.And don't even bother to guess who is who. I'll only tell those who I feel need to know. Again, don't make assumptions. If your conscience is clear, there is nothing to be afraid of. I just needed to release what bothered me for so long.

Well we celebrated in advance. Met at Shaw at CS. Booked tickets for My Girlfriend Is An Agent.

I was actually fucked up with someone while SF-ing but turns out everything's good now, I even joined his clan LOL.

To tell you the truth, I'm really sad inside now.

109 views. That's pretty awesome. Thank you anonymous people.
Don't know about how you guys think but I'm getting friggin bored with my song playlist already.

Yeah, this is my first story
Say oh, oh, oh, baby, la, la, la, la, la
Say oh, oh, oh, honey, la, la, la, la, la

All men are the same
You don’t know anything, you couldn’t even get my hints
Oh gosh, you are driving me crazy

My new hairstyle and brand new shoes
When I ask how is it
You don’t know anything about it

Instead of using your credit card
Show me a troubled heart when I am mad
I can’t tell really your heart
Please tell me straight up

“I love you” that one sentence
How long are you going to be indecisive
Oh, from now on
Please tell me

One, when we hold hands please Intertwine them
Two, smile when i'm irritated
Don’t know, don’t know, don’t know, don’t know
Even when I tell you, you don’t know

Three, call don’t text
Four, make sure you make an eye contact when we talk
Don’t know, don’t know, don’t know, don’t know
You really don’t know my feeling

You don’t know what a girl wants
What a girl, what a girl wants

Many things are running in my mind now. Wild, I say. But surprisingly enough, I did not shed a tear. Yet. Maybe tears did well up. But I refuse to cry. Told myself to control. Harder than it looks.

Am pretty drained from doing stupid htmls and stuff for dailylifes and chronicles. don't get these sort of things and never will i.

YAY. FINALLY DONE PUTTING UP THE TAGBOARD & SONGS.


HOW'S IT? Leave a tag. :)


I'm going for the sake of buffet breakfast tomorrow,sorry, later on, in like, 5 hours? LOL.


School is getting smarter in expecting full attendance from us, sheez.
Purposely putting an important "take back report book" with another shit boring activity. Nice one.

I gotten over the whole subject combination thing. Can't be bothered to appeal for a pure sub. I'll suck at it anyway. Oh well. Time to buck up my Chinese, 多讲华语!!

This TP trip was quite interesting. Though we had to walk alot. Up and down, left and right, diagonal, sideways, whatever you can think of. SO MUCH WALKING. URGH. AND WE ONLY TOOK THE LIFT ONCE. -.-

I'm actually interested in Engineering and Business. Okay, I'm saying that cause those were the only schools we went. LOL. Seriously, Diploma in Business isn't that bad. There's a very cute guy there, not the one everyone's eyeing on(the fair skin one), but the lecturer, Kelvin I think. Now that's cute! And there was another person called *coughs. LOL. He looked so cool, omg.

Guess it's either business or engineering if I make it to poly, but my eyes are still on JC. I pray to go JC. Please please.

Will be turning in now. A lil' update on my house, workers came and laid the cement. I had much trouble to come into the room to use the computer cause we couldn't step on it. Promised us that they'll do it within 3 days, now they say Friday then can finish. Paid so much money for all these shit. Kb. My house totally looks like a construction site now lah, walau.

Confused bitch is me.


Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die

Decided that having profanities as a top post wouldn't be too sightly.
So, HI! :-)
Good that I have this blogging spirit back in me.

I'm going out later with family. And tomorrow with close ones,hopefully.

Yay. Finally,ugh. Have gotten over my horrible results of what I called "balanced", meaning, passing 4 subs and failing the other 4. :-(

And I'm happy, my house's gonna go through the renovation(finally), after much delaying. Three days, Mon-Wed. There'll be a lot of noise going on especially on Monday as they're gonna get what, tile-breakers and break the tiles!!
Thank goodness I'll be out. :P

And my newly moved neighbour, whom I just met now, guess what's his name.
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UNCLE PAUL! OMG. :O

FUCK I TOTALLY SCREWED MY BLOG TEMPLATE.
FUCK FUCK.

...
My links and every shit out there is fucking gone.

Bloody hell!!!!

"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
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"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future"
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future"
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future",
"I will embrace the present, and of course,our future"


Alright. I'm done. How much I love this sentence.

Sick of funny weird thoughts of BU and all that kinda shit. At least everything's okay now. Those few days, no, weeks, of tiresome longing. A draggggggggggggggggggg.


And I love how I said "She's not my competitor. 他不是我的对手," to some lil' peanut. Yeah, that's how I see her. Don't bother guessing, she's not worth it. (oops)

And if you think there's a link from this paragraph to above, THERE ISN'T. Ok? :)

Think you can thank the heavens that I'm making a proper post.


Finally, something that shouts ME. Stay tuned!

I LOVE Ris Low. Seriously.

I really wanted to make a proper post today.

Haha. It's like 2am now and I have Math and Physics tomorrow. Don't know how I'll do. I'm already thinking what can I keep myself preoccupied on Wednesday when the exams are over!

This sounds crazy but I totally didn't realise that

Through time.

My latest game addictions.

Baby won't you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
But there is something left in my head

You're the one who set it up now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
But there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling's so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know

You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
Now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
There is something left in my head

Yes i know

Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There ain't so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore

That's why you go away I know

Had Indian food today at some restaurant in DTE for dinner. Very delish! And the service was great. Spent over 70 dollars for it, but it was a rightful price to pay.

Oh and I wonder if this is funny to you guys. Sorry if I wasted your time...blah.

I can't seem to think of 7 things I like about myself.

I don't know why, but now, I just feel like taking a nice long bus ride. Doesn't matter where it heads.
Time is passing way too fast. Sometimes I wish that time will slow down, but then again, getting something over and done with asap may be better too, rather than holding on.

Maybe I am holding on too much on the past. Maybe it's time I let go. Maybe, I shouldn't think about it anymore and just move on. But I'm afraid I can't.

Still, contentment makes a poor man rich. Thus I'm really trying hard to be contented. With whatever I have around me, and with me. With life. With a so-called pathetic phase I'm going through now. It's not easy but still, it's never too late to start. Contentment.

I'm pretty tired of this laziness in me.
Of not doing homework till the very last minute.
Of me failing tests, just cause I don't see the importance of them.
Then wham, 2 upcoming TAs.
I really am tired of this and more importantly, myself.
Seriously, what is happening to everything?
世界上，没有了我，也都一样.

I'm fucking sick and tired already. Weekends. So?
Attending useless tuition filled with noisy fucktards who add on to noise pollution.
Attending guitar lessons when there is simply no point anymore. Without ---.
Coming back home, doing every chore you can think of. No assistance. And both parents unfit for anything. That's fine. Just get used to it, right?

Fucking shit man. Some fucked up shit. I can't find any way to cheer myself up now.

Failing all the three sciences.
Failing both e and a maths.
English is deproving. Look at how Mrs K thinks of me now. What can I do?
Studies are like that. Family. No comments.

Who am I to think of aiming high now, when my life is all fucked up?
Who am I to dream?

Failed mostly all the tests I got back. If you asked me what was the last test I passed, I wouldn't answer you straight away. Cause it happened far too long ago, and I simply can't remember,ignoring STM.

I'm pretty upset at some things now. Tried to stop thinking, yet.

I was actually very sad and having the :( moment but after seeing this, I burst in laughter.

Finally, after watching Music Bank consecutively, I found out this band Norazo. God they're funny!!!

Bb!

Feeling an unpleasant sour taste in the back of my mouth.
The more I cough, the more sour it seems to get.
E to the W...-_-..
And the phlegm.. oh my god..-_-..
The fever is going up and down like crazy. From 38.4..to 37.6..then 38.1..and afterwards 36.9.

And I slept 4 times today. Woke up @ 10am due to body aches and feeling extremely hot. Then slept, woke up, slept, woke up.

Feeling drowsy and nauseous now.
I hope I can make it on Wed.

Still, happy birthday Tan. You deserve this, and way much more. Happy 15th! Love.xoxo :):):):)

Goodnight. Shall be resting till dusk! Lol!

Thanking those who wished me happy birthday yesterday.
Thanking everyone who wished me today.
I really appreciate it!!
If you follow me on Twitter, you should know what I'm doing now!!

So yeah, I'm off!

Yes, I'm very high now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO YEAH, BYE!

Trying to be as accurate as possible.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF. :)

It says 23:19 in my computer. I doubt I can sleep early today!
Thanking the people who gave me presents.

It doesn't matter where I am or what I get, it's the company. So thanking Pam,Tan and Shir for today's bbq. It was fun, though we were just playing cards.

And a thousand and million and trillion apologies to Shir. For dropping your phone. First time somemore.. Sorry Shirleen. :x

Though some issues cropped up, but really in life, we can't have everything we want. I don't blame them. All I want from them is to know that I did not change. I'm still their .. I'm not gonna change...I'm not gonna have any .. now, or 2 years from now, make that 2-5 years. Whichever they are happy with. I'm still gonna be me. I just want them to understand that fact. Is it that hard? Or is it all along, I was the one that have been giving them wrong signals? Maybe I was the cause of everything. If only. If only.



First and foremost, I hope that Tan had a great bbq today. Maybe she's still there grilling marshmallows, I don't know but still, I know she had fun!!
The helium, oh my gosh. So funny!
Of course, who suggested? Me!!
Then the balloons. Gosh, look at her, completely speechless. Aw...:)

Today's floorball was definitely a good match too. After the match, went back to class for a mini party. It was fun, playing Billie Jean, Nobody, and Toy Soldier and many many other songs. Please credit my phone for providing quality music, unlike Jeremy's. Oh my god, Seasons In The Sun? Lemon Tree?! And some song called PRETTY BOY?!?! Fine Jeremy, quits. -.-
Sheesh. I got quite high in the MJ songs and Nobody. Danced a bit to Nobody. Please, you guys enjoyed it right?!?!

Pam's sleeping now. Tan is, well you know who is she with now lah hor. Shirleen is probably at home too.

Though I can't celebrate my birthday with my relatives, I thank them that they gave me a card. Well, even though it was not from all of them, but only some, I appreciate it. Well, it's definitely better we stay this way right? I'm used to it anyway.

I shall go cut the cake now.
Goodnight everyone.

I'm trying so hard, not to cry, from all the Whitney songs. Sheeeeesh. i'm gonna fail....

Still, I will come back exactly 6 minutes later.

I have been looking forward for 6th August for weeks. The surprise, or surprises I gotten were definitely memorable and sweet. Though it was just but a short dinner which lasted for a few hours, I appreciate the fact that they specially took time off to celebrate with me. Why would I ask for the sky, when I have all the stars in my palm?

I'm putting the details here so that even as the days,months and years past, and so long as my rawbutfresh is still well,"fresh", I will be able to read my archives and laugh and talk about it when I'm feeling bored or crappy.

The suspicion first fell in when I noticed Pam carrying a Taka bag with something aluminium-foily type of I dont know what the heck is that thing thing. Then you know what Pam told me? I remembered hor, Teo.
"What's in that bag, Pam?"
" No it's Tan's one. She ask me to bring for her one."
"What is it?"
" You so kp for what?"
" Er okay."
As I tried to peek inside, they kept insisting it was Tan's thing, Tan's thing.
What can I do. 2 V 1.

So, then when at Fish& Co. Well we ate there. Shall critic on the food later.
So many things, so little time sheesh. Anyway at Fish&Co Ms Tan went to the staff and gave the Taka bag to her, for I really dont know what reason. AT FIRST.

Then Pam misled me and said that that was a cake and it's for both me and Tan, since our birthdays both fall on Aug. So I was, well..okay? (you can totally imagine me saying that.)
THEN those two misled me AGAIN and said that this Fish&Co don't do birthday celebrations when I THOUGHT that they had something planned for me. So jian right. I believed them, you know. Then along all my suspicions, those two kept whispering sweet nothings to each other. If something is not going on, for the love of God please fk me. Ok ew. No.

For the cake, I hit it bullseye. But what came next was totally unexpected and the crimax.
Yah, crimax.

A male staff went up to me and asked me, "Okay whose birthday is it?"
I was totally shocked and gave the classic HUH look. I told him my name and he shaked my hand and wished me happy birthday. Then he requested for me to stand on the chair. Omg how I fucking feared that I'll fall off the chair or the chair will break or something. You know how light I am -coughs. And the chair. OMG WAS IT EVEN STRONG ENOUGH? It was like bamboo-ish, type. Omg.

As I stood on the chair, I held a sparkle. God knows how long I last held a sparkle. Which the sparks were sorta "raining" on my hand. But at that moment you really can't feel any pain at all. Only the feeling of embarrassment and awkwardness.

Then the staff said, oh my god I can remember," Okay there's a birthday girl in the house by the name of Paulynn!"
Then the staff members did a cheer.
Then they asked the people in the restaurant to sing me a happy birthday.
Now that I'm recollecting those memories, I can't help but smile about it. Gosh!!!

Then there it was. The cake that had been hiding in that Taka bag. Haha you're in my tummy right now. Okay what a joke. So it was a cake which Pam made. Carrot cake with self-made frosting with oreo if I'm not wrong. That was really super. Aw..:)

What was my wish?
Hahah, of course. I'm not gonna tell you. It won't come true otherwise. Harhar.
And I think I'll get another wish on the actual day itself? Hahahaah!

Oh they also gave me a blue heart necklace which was really another Aw.. moment. <3 style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-style: italic;">I hope that I won't throw my face during the NE Investiture.
I hope that I won't screw up in floorball.
More importantly,I hope that I'll be strong and not be so oversensitive and not think too much.
I'm too sensitive already lar. -.-!

I am looking forward to a greater day ahead.
Thank you Pam and Tan, Tan and Pam whichever sequence, for today. I love you two very much!! XOXOXOXOXO.

Goodnight sweethearts!

PS: And thank you so much Adelia, for wishing me via sms. That was really sweet of ya. :D

PPS: LOL I forgotten to critic about the food. Pictures aren't with me anyway. Hah!!

It's coming to a Wednesday but I keep thinking tomorrow's a Thursday. And I'm not the only one feeling this way.

Well. I did something ridiculous today. Make that all the NE Champs. For the investiture, we have to make such an awkward entrance at the later part.. I'm praying I won't trip over a bag or a file. Planning to skip tomorrow's and Thurs' rehearsal. LMC is really very ks. Like seriously.

And something very saddening is that I left my SYF costume in the lab. Which really sucks. Really really really really really fucking sucks.

This week has been very hectic. Look at the amount of hair I've dropped. Ever since last week,we had taken at least 2 tests. This week there's 3. And the next, we'll have 2. I'm tired. Really tired. I don't have the extra energy to even talk at home. Now, I just either "mm" or "yah". Which my family is starting to get edgy about.

And tomorrow's PE. I'm planning to sweat out as much as I can. Releasing endorphins will make one feel good.

Aiming to pass my Amath TA. Since my Sciences are all like shit now.

Ending with a sigh. Goodnight.

Sigh. I don't even know whether I can even be in a joyous mood on my birthday. I mean. On the actual day. If I'm thinking too much, then fine. Case closed.
.
And guitar class tomorrow, he's not there. Rephrase. He will not be there till maybe Nov. What if he doesn't come back thereafter? I won't get to see him anymore. Why can't I at least have a beautiful ending to this?...

Doing a quick one. School was okay. English was fun, as always. Something funny about Mrs K is that she talks about one thing, then links it to her own personal experience, and then later on she'll ask us "Where were we?" and then we'll all break out in laughter, or maybe just me, and the cycle continues. Of cause it's not funny if I'm saying it like that. Math. Mr Ang was weird. Asking me what's my problem when I don't even have one. (Even if I did, I wouldnt ask him) I was not even looking at him, btw. Pearl went for her night study today, and when she come back she told me that Mr Ang told her that my Maths was weak. Thanks. Like I don't know that. ==' And something funny was that Mr Ang wasn't in his usual working wear, but instead, he wore brown bermudas, a black shirt and he was wearing his spectacles. I tried to imagine that but, epic phail. If I saw him like that I think I would die from excessive laughter.

Hah. I'm screwed for Chem. Not even 1/2 of the revision done. I took a long nap today, from 6 to 10. I could not help it. It was straining and my eyes kept closing. And don't forget I slept at 4am yesterday, sigh. Again, could not help it..

I think tonight, I'll probably sleep at 3.

OH. One more thing that I'm really proud of. The NE investiture said that they were going to have rehearsals on Tues and Thurs. But I insisted that Thurs was a long day and that people ended at 4.45. Actually it was only one guy from 3E2. But I made it so dramatic that they made it on Wed. So my Thurs is off. It's not really cause of the long day, that I insisted on a Wednesday. Butts should know this.

I hope my mood won't ruin everything.
I hope I can control my emotions better.
I hope that I can change.
I hope I can see things positively.
I hope my family can get over this crisis.
I hope I can enjoy August with wonderful memories.

I am very amused that I have a lot of homework and I'm still posting this shit.
Let's not forget I have yet to start on my revision.
Really very..very amused.

Have to love the chorus.



"Sometimes you just gotta act like you don't care. That's the only way them boys learn."

Goodnight. XOXO.

Very bored now. Pam is bending rocks and Tan is not online. I have tons of homework and yet, I'm still downloading more K songs. It's a sure thing that I fail this Math TA. I only guarantee 4 marks for the first question. Pathetic, aren't I? For the rest, I'm filled with several uncertainties. But like what Xin Sheng say, " It's over. Forget it." Darn right.
I'd better move on.

And it will be harder now to try though, cause I won't be talking that much during Math lessons anymore. Not planning to.

Since I'm bored, tag me if you know what bending rocks mean.
No hint. Too ez.
LOL.
If Pam doesnt even know, that will be even more LOL.
No prize thou. Recession.

Ttfn.

FYI.
With reference of my previous post, I didn't see Ms Tham at all today. So I'm still inside this dumb NE shit. FML.

Currently in a holiday mood woop woop! ;)

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